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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487871">Deathly Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassychopstick6/pseuds/sassychopstick6'>sassychopstick6</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Vomiting, What-If</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:00:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,233</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23487871</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassychopstick6/pseuds/sassychopstick6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A huge secret to be kept<br/>A confession to be made<br/>Or love ending in wept</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>60</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Deathly Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I thought of this disease but for it to work in my mind they shouldn't be together as in the books, they took longer to really accept what they were feeling, well Andrew didn't have time to accept it, the flowers invaded him, and Neil of course, my dense boi took even longeeeeeeer to know he liked Andrew. So, that's it, they are not together as in the series and they haven't kissed or done anything like that.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Andrew was leaning against the cold tile of the shower, the soft tickle of the last petals still in his throat. He couldn’t believe after all things he endured, everything foster system brought to him, Drake… just to be betrayed for his own body. The worst of it was the feelings, something he promised to himself to never develop because they were a fail, something that could make of him a weak man. He turned off the shower once the blood went through the drain, he toweled himself dry and put on a pair of boxers, everything while watching with annoyance the daffodils stuck in the drain filter. Andrew picked them up and took a moment to observe them, they were tiny enough to not choke him but there was a lot more blood than the day before, without any other thought he flushed them down the toilet and got out of the bathroom, he was the last one to leave the dorm, therefore he had some privacy in his morning routine after the practice.</p><p>The air was little bit too cold and even if he fancied this weather, he felt dizzy and the weather suddenly was unsupportable, in his current situation, a very active smoker and the fucking flowers in his lungs he felt like he couldn’t breathe, the air was scratching his throat. He had to throw away his cigarette in order to enter the nearest building. He looked for the stairs and somehow he made it to the last floor, those restrooms were always empty, so they were a good place to fuck or to puke despair, he finished puking the cereal he ate for breakfast and this time he didn’t even look at the toilet and then he got up to brush his teeth, since the blood made appearance he carried the toothbrush because of the smell.</p><p>At his first class he didn’t pay any attention, he tried to think of a solution for his incoming death, which didn’t involve telling Wymack or confessing himself to Neil… Bee, she was his only option. As soon as the class ended, he made his way to Bee’s office with only one cough fit with more flowers than blood, but the flowers were bigger than before. In the office she didn’t have any other appointments, so Andrew was able to see her as soon as he entered. As usual, she made two cups of hot chocolate, left his at the table by his side and sat down, she always waited for him to be ready and talk.  He tried the chocolate, but the hotness felt very constricting in his throat.</p><p>“I am about to die” he said, and Bee almost choked. Andrew wasn’t suicidal <em>per se</em> but the statement in his case was due a huge preoccupation.</p><p>“Are you having any desire to end your life?” Bee crossed her ankles and set down her cup.</p><p>“Do not be silly, Bee. It is not going to be by my hand, its my brain. My fucked up brain”. If Andrew was still under the effects of the medication he would be laughing or at least the maniac smile would be there, but his face was completely still. Bee didn’t say a word, trying to process what he had said. In the middle of their silence Andrew threw up without any warning, it was just acid as his stomach was empty and some bloody daffodils. Bee was quick and removed the little carpet in front of Andrew feet and gave him a pretty trash can.</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Don’t you know? Because if you do, I am not going to admitted it by myself just for the seek of it. I cannot longer smoke, I barely made it at practice and as you have seen I cannot hold it until I can find a toilet.” Andrew almost had his head inside of the can, he felt dizzy once again and his sight was blurry.</p><p>“I thought you hated him” Andrew lifted his head and it took him a moment to focus on Bee.</p><p>“Of course, I do, but like I said my brain is all fucked up.” Andrew was tapping his fingers on the can; his breathing was calm, and Bee was giving him time. “If I die, I want you to keep it secret, don’t lie, but don’t tell them it was the stupid Hanahaki. Aaron can keep the car or sell it; I don’t give a fuck”.</p><p>“Why don’t get a surgery? As far as you have let me know, you don’t want to feel, this is the only side effect.” This was a bold suggestion but probably was the only option besides the ones they put on the table, which were confessing or death.</p><p>“I <em>want</em> to feel from time to time, so I know I am not as dead as I feel. I made some promises that I intent to keep, without feeling whatever shit I feel I won’t keep them, but if I die, I will die keeping them till the last moment.”</p><p>“Would it be better if you give a shot at the night and tell him? You are going to die if you don’t, but you may die if you do.” Andrew faked a cough and got up.</p><p>“Can you cancel my classes? I’m a little bit sick.” Bee just limited herself to glare at him with worry. There wasn’t anything she was able to do without his consent.</p><p>Once again in the dorm, Andrew puked, four whole flowers, they were a horrid orange color and the blood didn’t help. He went to his bed and felt asleep. Throwing up was an effect the lack of medication caused on him, it tired him physically and mentally. He sensed he got two hours of sleep when the door was closed. He sighed and pulled the blanket all over his head just when the bedroom door was opened, by the lack of sound in the movements it was Neil, still, Andrew made no move.</p><p>Andrew could only guess Neil went to the bathroom and exited the room, but he didn’t leave the dorm. Andrew went to sleep again until he heard softly his name. When he opened his eyes, it was dark outside and Neil was stepping in his bed to be at his eye level.</p><p>“It’s almost dinner, and since I was here you haven’t eaten, it was like noon.” The frown in his forehead revealed worry but it could be any other thing.</p><p>“Kevin let me sleep through practice? Interesting.” The frown went deeper.</p><p>“Practiced got cancelled, the court was going to get a check and then waxed. Everyone went to drink… so want to order something?” Neil was whispering like the whole situation was a secret.</p><p>“No, let’s go to the Japanese place.” Andrew was at the door in less than two minutes, looking pale and tired. Neil didn’t comment it, because before worry Andrew always reacted poorly. When he was opening the door the <em>want </em>of asking for it hit him.</p><p>“Can we walk?” Andrew nodded very slowly, not sure if it was the lack of exercise in Neil body or if it was coming from other reason.</p><p>They walked and Neil was complaining about his Spanish classes, he wanted to be able to speak it first and he was considering to ask Nicky for help, Andrew just listened. If Andrew was breathing heavily neither of them said a thing.</p><p> Once at the Japanese restaurant Andrew ordered soft noodles and Neil got fried rice. They headed out and they were walking in a comfortable silence, Andrew hadn’t felt sick during his sleep or at the moment, but he wasn’t about to eat something that could make his stomach even worse. When they spotted the Fox Tower Andrew walked to the parking lot instead of the entry and Neil stopped.</p><p>“Let’s go for a ride.” Andrew started the motor once Neil sat and he drove for about fifteen minutes until they reached a park, it wasn’t an attractive place, but it was empty and near the campus.</p><p>“Are you going to hide my body in here?” Neil asked playfully while he watched the grass, he walked a few feet and sat down. “Actually, I like it, a challenge for you to do a good job, it would be a shame if my body was discovered by the neighbors.” He opened his food and started to eat while Andrew was watching him. He tried his food with caution, and it didn’t feel bad, so he continued.</p><p>“I’m not going to hide your body, if I kill you, I’m going to dissolved it in a tub and that’s it, hiding a body its too much work.” Andrew set aside his food as he felt Neil eyes on him. “Staring.”</p><p>“Yes, I know.” He said with a giggle that transformed into a soft laugh when Andrew shook his head, he was about to get his food when the laugh ended in a wet cough.</p><p>Neil’s eyes were fixed in the blue iris in his hand, he threw it aside and for the first time he was totally speechless.</p><p>“How long?” That were Andrew’s first words, he didn’t care Neil was in love with someone else, at the end he was a pipe dream and Andrew was used to never get what he wanted.</p><p>“I’m fine.”</p><p>“Don’t say that bullshit to me.” Andrew was angry at him for bringing that shit back.</p><p>“It’s been a couple of weeks.” And he was lying, the flowers were complete but there wasn’t blood, probably a month or two at most.</p><p>“Stop lying to m…” the consistence of his previous meal, the taste of blood and the flowers were a nasty mix for vomit. The constancy of it had weakened his knees and Andrew couldn’t help to fall onto the floor until his stomach was empty, his lungs were barely working, and his mouth and nose were full of blood.</p><p>“Andrew, we need to go to the hospital. I need you to get up.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” Andrew got up very slowly, Neil handed him a water bottle.</p><p>“Why are you sick?” Neil asked very softly, and Andrew stopped with the bottle almost on his mouth.</p><p>“Haven’t you heard?” Andrew arched an eyebrow. When Neil shook his head, Andrew closed the bottle and sighed. “I like someone who doesn’t like me back, that’s it.”</p><p>“Love.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“I was taught it has to be genuine love for one to get sick.” Neil explained while fidgeting with the string of his sweatshirt. </p><p>“Why did you say you haven’t heard it, then?”</p><p>“I… I didn’t think you could have it.” Neil was truly confused. Andrew was so unobtainable, he was the very reason Neil has iris roots in his lungs, how come Andrew was about to die for it?</p><p>“I can hear you thinking. Stop it.” Andrew sounded very tired and his voice was thick.</p><p>“It’s not my business, but you should try to talk it.” Andrew judged him heavily in silence before speaking.</p><p>“You have exactly the same problem as me, so who in the flying fuck are you to say that?”</p><p>“I have no choice.” A sad smile blossomed in his face. Andrew was about to say something when a hard cough fit hit him, everything was signaling it was too late, maybe he had a week before he was due to choke on his own blood, when he could breathe he made a pause he just breathed as deep as he could and faced Neil. “I’m taking a turn.” Andrew didn’t protest so he took it. “Who is it?”</p><p>“Are you really going to waste your turn in that?” Neil didn’t bat an eye at it. “It’s you.”</p><p>Neil breath was stuck in his mouth as it felt before the coughing, but it never came, nor didn’t the flowers. He tried to maintain his composure at such confession, his illness, those weeks thinking of a way to escape his feelings, to not die and don’t be a burden for Andrew.</p><p>He had accepted the way his eyes softened whenever he spent time with Andrew, he recognized the urge to take his hand when they headed out of the tower to the Maserati, but he wasn’t going to put that knowledge on Andrew shoulders, Neil fell for him, he was stupid enough to mistake the protection promises for love, or so he had thought until now.</p><p>“I thought you hate me.”</p><p> "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." The cough came back to him and Neil watched out, hoping the lack of flowers but a whole daffodil landed in Andrew’s palm with blood. It was less than before and the blood just was on the flower not everywhere. Andrew tried to not get high hopes, he tried to not let himself fall for a pipe dream, but it was impossible. “Tell me no.” Andrew kissed him with his all, it was almost like the world started and ended in Neil mouth, it was intense, hard, all teeth and tongue, when they parted both of them were panting, but it wasn’t because of deathly flowers in their lungs. Andrew waited for a rejection that never came, a cough fit that didn’t pained his chest, what he got was his pipe dream come true.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments make my heart feel alive.<br/>As you might know Daffodils mean tragedy, one side love, despair, that's why Andrew had them in him, of course you know why they are orange, in the other side Neil had iris because they are hope, just the opposite. Whatever thought or question feel free to ask.<br/>Once again, thank you all for reading.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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